Many right now even though they have life partners, live without love, surviving life rather than living it.
Those not loving life are predominantly living in fear within concepts of separation formed from the need for acceptance driven by the fear of rejection.
Separation from one's own thoughts, dreams and desires within a shared reality lead to silence and in silence there dwells the concept of rejection. Those living in separation would say to themselves, "Should I speak my mind, should I share my dream, should I state my personal desires?" The reason these questions are kept in the silence of ones own mind is due to the fear of any one or all the questions being rejected. In other words, one feels the need for these concepts to be accepted in order to allow oneself to be the example of the thoughts, dreams or desires themselves.
The mistake here is that life does not hinge on what another will approve or disapprove of with regards to one’s own life. Life is free to live unless one limits themselves by accepting the limitations of another and many today limit THEMSELVES by allowing another to choose for them because of the fear of being rejected. True love needs no acceptance, as true love is unconditional and in unconditional love there is no rejection; the other sharing in that life would accept what their co-creator desires.
What is often not considered is that any one living life always has the ability to “change their mind’ and changing one’s mind is very different to having one’s mind changed for them as the choice itself would not be their own, this takes from one’s own free will to choose leading to separation.
Many who are in relationships now live in separation due to the different directions they are viewing life from. In a relationship it is not up to one to make all the choices, it is up to both to negotiate the direction both should look in. When disagreements form the fear of rejection becomes the need for acceptance and the need for acceptance often causes one to relinquish their very own right to choose. When one relinquishes their right to make a choice for self, then one in truth is evolving on another’s path rather than their own. This is not co-creation, this is a path towards powerlessness as while one evolves the other remains in sameness often being silent rather than voicing the thoughts, dreams or desires they hold.
One living life cannot stop the evolving process unless one gives up their right to choose out of their own personal perspective regarding the contrast of reality they themselves look at. Another even though similar, can not see the contrasts of reality in the same way as any other living life, for each living life are indeed unique and have formed many beliefs that differ from all others regarding living and life itself.
There is not one single person living physical life that came forward saying, “I will relinquish my free will so another may choose for me.” Each person living life came forward in order to choose out of their unique way of looking at life choosing just what it is that they were inspired to choose after reflecting on the contrast of reality. The contrast of reality is there to choose from while creating one’s own path forward evolving to become more with each choice made. The moment one stops making choices for self is the moment one stops evolving and over time powerlessness would become so apparent that one would no longer find the ability within themselves to choose; this is why many find themselves stuck in a contrast with out the free will to choose again.
Co-creation is sharing a thought, a dream or a life’s desire with another and in co-creation two become entangled in a relationship by looking in the same direction together. Both evolve in same direction negotiating differences.
Relationships are co-creative entanglements by choice, meaning it is through free will that one chooses to co-create with another. Many however enter into relationships with the need to be loved, rather than falling in love with another that they have come to know and accept over time. To love someone and know someone are two very different states. One state is about love and desire and the other is about accumulating information giving one an understanding regarding the desires, thoughts and belief systems another has gathered while living life. For one who loves yet does not truly know the other acceptance would be silent as the fear of rejection is as great as the need for acceptance, so one in this case tends to tolerate another rather than stating their differences out loud for the fear of being rejected.
When two fall in love, then two are meant to be looking in same direction and the direction to begin with would be based on the mutual agreement to be in love with the prospect of sharing one’s uniqueness with the other while living out life within the shared contrast of reality. Many in relationships now once made the mistake of thinking that simply being in love “was” looking in same direction, while in truth, same direction means that one truly knows the direction another wants to look in. Meaning they spent time getting to know each other prior to forming a relationship based on love. Love is only one aspect of co-creation.
When one falls in love with another not knowing who in truth they are, then the other could accept the love offered yet not share the desire to look in same direction resulting in two people within a relationship looking in different directions, separated from each other suffering the negative discord of living life without unconditional love.
Conditional love will always be apparent by the negative emotional discord felt while being with the one that another has chosen to be with. It matters not what sparks the negative emotion, what matters most is whether the negative emotion is prevalent in one’s life while with the other.
Unconditional love will always be apparent by the inspiration and appreciation one feels while in the company of the one they chose to share life with.
Relationships are about sharing, exploring together all the options within the contrast of reality with regards to one’s own evolutionary choices with another while moving forward, inspiring and inviting the other to join in their personal quest whilst living out their life’s dreams and desires. A stable relationship having known your partner would have no need for acceptance or the fear of rejection, even when one disagrees with another, negotiation would be possible.
Conditional love is always barren of inspiration and lacks the invitation to have an option, discounting the opinion of the other. It is based on the desire one wants to follow without regard for how the other feels.
Unconditional love is more about flowing in harmony while conditions tend to separate one from another. Unconditional love is allowing another person to be who it is they desire to be, while appreciating and benefiting from the relationship.
Every human being alive is unique and houses individual belief systems that will differ from all others. This is a truth, yet while this is truth, there is no need to become separated unless one out of two or more places conditions on another by disallowing them to be who they are. When one is told who they should be, do or think, then one is no longer self and will over time suffer the separation from self and self is an ever growing and expanding being. It is the stifling of expansion that causes another to feel lost, as self through evolution forgets how to make choices, depending on another choices instead of their own.
Falling in love is not subject to having to enter into a co-creative relationship as knowing another can not truly happen until one has spent time with another giving the opportunity to canvas whether both are truly facing the same direction or not. Many in relationships today have spent very little time together prior to forming a committed relationship and many did this out of the fear of losing the apparent love they had found.
True love cannot be lost as in truth true love IS unconditional, so rejection would not be a fear and true love is based on the principle of allowing creating a field of unconditional love.
Conditional love is based on a need such as needing to be loved and this is where the need for acceptance distorts the choice to make a commitment prior to KNOWING the one you are committing to.
Conditions do not get set in the first part of a rushed relationship as the need for acceptance again is as great as the fear of rejection, so both in truth reach for silence and a slow evolutionary spiral toward separation begins. Conditions become apparent after the evolutionary growth of being in NEW love has dissipated and the reason being in NEW love dissipates is due to the sameness that is created by acting out the ideas one has with regards to being in love. In other words, the honeymoon phase of loving wears off as with all evolution, one tires of the same procedure, yearning for more and new.
As mentioned before, love is only one part of the equation to a relationship. The idea with having a life partner you love is to be able to EXPAND with that partner while inspiring each other to new thoughts, dreams or desires. Unconditional love allows the expansion to continue, while conditional love stunts self-evolution causing separation.
Paul Smit, Author and Speaker for "One"
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